Second Trimester Begins

Thankfully I had an uneventful first trimester.  The only pregnancy related symptoms I had were painful breasts and frequent trips to the bathroom.   I'm still able to wear my jeans and as every woman knows... jeans serve as a gauge for how much weight we've gained. 

Today my doctor told me he 'had to yell at me about my weight'... he does not want me to gain any weight but also said he knows that's unrealistic.  After the visit my mom wanted an ice-cream so we went to McDonalds... I ordered a fancy coffee and fries!  Weight gain so far, 2 pounds.

I have a visit with a perinatologist on January 14th, and I will find out the sex of the baby then.  Originally I wanted to be surprised but knowing the sex will just make it easier to prepare. 

Happy New Year!

The Baby Moves

I had my last visit with Dr. Buyalos, the reproductive doctor.  I am so blessed to have been under his care, he was such a kind man.  He did a final ultrasound and my mom saw the entire baby moving, but I only caught a glimpse of the arms moving.  I wanted to see more but the doctor was in a hurry and was seeing me at no charge so I couldn't complain.  The technology is so advanced but one drawback to his ultrasound machine is that it doesn't have a recording device, so for now the pictures will have to do.  The chance of the pregnancy going sideways is now less than 1% and I have 'graduated' to an ob/gyn office for all future visits.

Ah ... A Massage

I was so excited to go for a massage over the weekend.  The massage therapist asked how far along I was since she knew I was pregnant.  According to her, anyone more than two months should no longer lay on their stomach... okay, well I had never heard that but whatever.  She has me lay on  my side with a pillow in between my legs... so now I'm self-conscious since my stomach is hanging down (and no, this has nothing to do with the baby) on the table... the entire experience was counter-productive.  I'll just stick to foot massages... those are heaven.

Hearing The Heartbeat

My baby has doubled in size (from the last ultrasound) measuring in at 18.1mm, and had an audible heartbeat of 144bpm.  I expect to see it moving around on my next visit. 

Baby Due: June 30, 2011

I am 7 weeks, 0 days pregnant.  I had my first ultrasound and was able to see the baby's heartbeat today.  It measured in at 9.5mm, about the size of blueberry.  The reproductive doctor will continue to monitor me for another 3 weeks before I 'graduate' to an ob/gyn. 

Official Big Fat Positive!

• CD1:  9/28/10
• CD3:  Ultrasound.  Begin Repronex (no clomid this cycle)
• CD7:  Ultrasound - 4 eggs.
• CD9:  3:30 a.m. Trigger
• CD10:  IUI
• CD11:  Begin Progesterone
• CD21:  Preg Test - Faint Positive (hoping it's not picking up hCG from Trigger, but it shouldn't be)
• CD22:  Preg Test - Faint Positive (I was expecting to see the test line darker) - Later that day I took a digital test, okay I'm lying... I took two, and they both displayed pregnant!
• CD24: Official BFP!!! 10/21/10

I have been so stressed lately, I really needed this cycle to be the one... something positive!

Change of Heart

I have had a change of heart when it comes to using KD.  It took going through the experience to realize we ultimately had different visions.

I have now chosen an open donor (OD) from California Cryobank.  Open donors  have agreed to at least one contact once the child turns 18, of course this is not guaranteed.  As a result, I have decided to keep the donor's identification number private.  

I do not plan on changing the name of my blog, deleting KD's information, pictures etc... this blog reflects my path to motherhood and someday, I hope my child realizes how much they were wanted.

Reverse Pregnancy Calculator

California teachers do not pay in to state disability so sick days have to be used for maternity leave.  If I run out of sick days, the cost to cover a substitute teacher is deducted from my paycheck.  So, in trying to plan for the best case scenario, which would be to deliver when school finishes in June, I needed to get pregnant this month... obviously that didn't happen. 

Now, the best case scenario (revised) would be to get pregnant this next cycle (Oct.) for a July delivery. 

http://www.mymonthlycycles.com/

Taking a Break

Having to take a break this cycle - I have cysts leftover from last months cycle.  I was not really given much more information than that, and the fact that these are not uncommon.  If this had happened a couple of months ago, I would have wanted to understand every detail... but it didn't take me long to figure out I don't know much about reproductive endocrinology!  I now try to focus on the big picture, and as long as I understand the bottom line, I leave the details up to the doctors.

TTC - Round Two

.99 cent pregnancy test

• CD1: 8/6/10
• CD3: Start Clomid
• CD5: Start Repronex
• CD10: Ultrasound - 3 mature eggs 
• CD11: 3:45 a.m. Trigger Shot - "Happy Pains" (ovulation)  
• CD12: Ultrasound - "beautifully shaped uterus" - IUI  
• CD24: Pregnancy Test - BFN 
• CD26: Official BFN - Waiting for my period. 

This cycle was different... dosages were changed (half of this, double of that), I had ovulation pain, sperm was fresh, quality was excellent with 60 million sperm and great movement... oh but I did learn to rely on pregnancy tests from the .99 cent store and saved a bunch of money!!!

 

I did have a little stress this month where I may have said "I hope I'm not pregnant!" a couple of times. Could this be the reason I didn't get pregnant? Does the mind have this much control over the body? Prior to today I thought if I'm going to get pregnant, I'm going to get pregnant no matter what I say, but now that I didn't... I just wonder if my negative thoughts caused me not to get pregnant, something to ponder.

 

 

 

There's Something In The Water!

Have you seen all the sperm-donor movies that have popped up?  First, there was The Backup Plan, then The Kids Are Alright, and now The Switch... all within the last six months! 

The Back-up Plan

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• 
• 

• Jennifer Lopez,
• Alex O'Loughlin,
• Eric Christian Olsen

"The Back-up Plan" is a comedy that explores dating, love, marriage and family "in reverse." After years of dating, Zoe (Jennifer Lopez) has decided (more...)

49% liked it

PG-13, 1 hr. 44 min.

Director: Alan Poul

Box Office: $12.3k

Released: Apr 23, 2010

DVD: Aug 24, 2010

Movies & Actors at Flixster

The Kids Are All Right

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• 
• 

• Julianne Moore,
• Annette Bening,
• Mark Ruffalo

The most talked-about movie at the 2010 Sundance Film Festival, and the winner of the Teddy Award for Best Feature Film at the 2010 Berlin (more...)

77% liked it

R, 1 hr. 44 min.

Director: Lisa Cholodenko

Box Office: $0.8M

Released: Jul 9, 2010

Movies & Actors at Flixster

The Switch

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• 
• 

• Jennifer Aniston,
• Jason Bateman,
• Patrick Wilson

An unmarried 40-year-old woman turns to a turkey baster in order to become pregnant. Seven years later, she reunites with her best friend, who has (more...)

57% liked it

PG-13, 1 hr. 41 min.

Director: Josh Gordon, Will Speck

Box Office: $4.8M

Released: Aug 20, 2010

Movies & Actors at Flixster

Lab Report: No Sperm

I receive an urgent voicemail this afternoon, letting me know there is no sperm to thaw for tomorrow's IUI. I've been taking shots in the stomach for a week, including waking up at 3:45 a.m. in order to 'time' the shots, all in preparation for tomorrow, and you're telling me you have no sperm?  Ever heard of the saying, 'lack of planning on your part, doesn't constitute an emergency on mine'... certainly not the case here, unless of course, I 'waste' this cycle.  I'm frantic, have to call KD and explain the situation, and luckily, he is able to rearrange his schedule in order to leave a donation at 7 a.m., and return to work for a morning meeting.  He doesn't go without mentioning that he may send me a bill for gas, and I'm not sure he was joking.  This is not the first mistake with this office, I can only hope they don't forget to have someone open at 7 a.m. 

I go to sleep and have a nightmare about being at a clinic for my IUI, and the nurse informs me that the office never sent the sperm to the clinic, where the IUI was taking place.  The dream finishes at this point because I wake up to Soula (my puppy) throwing toys against my window.  It's 2:30 a.m.!  I get out of bed, turn off the light in the backyard, get back in bed, and now hear a segment on The Joy Behar show, featuring a man that donated sperm to the CA Cryo Bank, and his reunion with his biological kids that tracked him down on MySpace... are you kidding me?

Now I'm completely awake, it's 12 hours before my IUI, and I'm still wondering if KD was joking about sending me a gas bill.

Little Boy Pictures of KD

His favorite blanket.

Trying to Conceive - Round One

• CD1: 7/10/10
• CD3: Start Clomid
• CD8: Start Repronex
• CD11: Ultrasound - 3 mature eggs, uterine lining too thin, hCG 'Trigger Shot'
• CD13: Ultrasound - thick uterine lining, IUI
• CD27: Pregnancy Test - Big Fat Negative  (Yes, I'm sure... I've gone through Costco quantities of tests already!)

Waiting for my period.

Dr. Laura on Single Parenthood by Choice

I received an email  from Dr. Laura regarding single parenthood by choice: 

(From Listener)
Dr. Laura:
Recently, I was invited to join a group in support of removing Father’s and Mother’s Day celebrations in public schools. Upon looking further into this group, I found that the founder of this group was a single mom “by choice,” and was angry her child was being made to feel bad because the other children have daddies, and hers does not. I wanted to send you the email I sent her:

I think you should seriously consider shutting down this group. I find it interesting you “chose” single parenthood for your child, but are not punishing those who did not for YOUR decision. The majority of children have a mother and father and those who don’t will have to learn to deal with disappointment and adapt. You act as though she shouldn’t have to learn to deal with disappointment, but in order to become a productive adult, she will. Sadly, this disappointment was thrust upon her by you. Instead of sitting down with her like an adult and explaining why she doesn’t have a father and why you chose that life for you, you are placing the blame on the school system for making her feel bad and putting her in an uncomfortable situation. You do realize Father’s Day isn’t the only time she’ll be reminded she has no father, right? By making this subject taboo, you are making her feel further alienated and, in the same breath, telling her you made a decision for her that was wrong. Make up your mind. Either you did this by choice and are willing to deal with the consequences, or you are embarrassed by the situation you are in and you want to cover up your mistake so your daughter doesn’t have to know. Grow up and take ownership of your choices.

S.

(Dr. Laura)
I cannot tell you how happy I was to read this. I hope that you are taking stands whenever you see people deconstructing the family to permit themselves the freedom to do whatever the hell they want.

The woman referred to in this letter, like so many others, decided : “I want a kid.” “I want a kid” - not “Gee, I’d really like to be a Mom. What’s in the best interest of a child?” How about a mom and a dad, married, and no daycare? No. It was just what “I” want for this woman. So with this group, she has tried to deconstruct the family in the public schools by saying there’s no Mother’s or Father’s Day - it’s all irrelevant - trying to cover up that she knows she did something wrong to her kid, by intentionally robbing her child of a father, for her own selfish needs. And our society is giving all of that a pass: “anything you want to call ‘family’ is a family.”

It appears that it doesn’t matter what a kid needs. It just matters what the adults want.
(End)

Everyone knows how much I love Dr. Laura... am I still a fan?  You betcha!

Legal Clearance

I now have legal rights to KD's sperm.  Seeing intended mother all over the paperwork certainly stirred up my emotions... made it all so real.  The legal clearance gives my doctor the go-ahead as far as actually being able to use the sperm.  My plan is to conceive between now and September so that I can take advantage of my time off next summer. 

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day turns 100 this year!  Like any other holiday, Father's Day is in my face, and I can't help but think about the consequences of my decision.  Moving forward doesn't mean that I don't mourn over such issues.  I just have to do my best to provide appropriate (loving, positive, strong morals, etc...) father-figures for my child.

Donor Contract

Going through the process of the donor contract made me anxious. Since sperm donation is a new and unsettled area of law, I called KD looking for reassurance. He made me realize there has to be a certain level of trust between us, and he's right. He also went on to say that he is level-headed... most of the time! I felt good about our conversation, he is easy to talk to.

The attorney I hired is an assisted reproduction attorney, she specializes in sperm, egg, and embryo donation. After paying her, I dreamt that she wasn't able to help me. The next morning I go online and see a link to: The 8 Most Common Types of Dreams -- And What They Mean. I read it and learn that I had a processing dream. According to the article, processing dreams are a way for our subconscious to digest the bazillion message units we are exposed to all day... since this contract was so foreign to me, the interpretation made total sense... funny how that played out. 

My end of the contract is now complete. I am waiting for KD to review it with his attorney, request changes and/or sign it. Legal fees: $1100.

Semen Analysis

The World Health Organization has developed the following values for normal semen analysis:

• Volume (how much ejaculate): 2 millilters or more
• Concentration (how many sperm there are): 60 million (per milliliter) or more
• Motility (percentage of sperm that are moving): 50% or more

KD's Results:

• Volume: Great (produced enough sperm for two intrauterine inseminations, IUIs)
• Concentration: >70 million sperm
• Motility: 20%

When Dr. B called with the results he gave me two options: a) take fertility medicine to produce 3-4 eggs per month or b) In-vitro fertilization, or IVF. In my case IVF is just not needed, not to mention it is very costly. I will begin fertility medicine with my next cycle.

Swim Sperm Swim

Tomorrow KD (known donor) will be seen by my doctor at the fertility group. He will leave his 'sample' and have blood work done. Admit it, I know all of you are wondering what the inside of that little room looks like, I know I am! Will there be magazines, movies, and if movies will they offer a wide variety? From what I read an intimate, comfortable, private room is designed to aid men in the collection of sperm samples. I'm going to meet him for lunch afterwards but I'll have to make some sort of joke to break the ice... come on we will both know what just happened!

I should have his results by the end of the day... swim sperm swim. If everything looks good, then the sperm will be stored in the freezer at their office.

Known Donor

Once adoption was off the table, I was faced with the decision of using either anonymous or open identity sperm donor. Open identity donors indicate a willingness to be contacted once the child has turned 18, but it's not guaranteed. Anonymous donors are just that, anonymous, however, not opposed to future contact. For me, the choice was a no-brainer, I would choose an open identity donor... only as a last result.

Unlike adoptees, whose primary question is often why their birth parents gave them up, donor- conceived children are typically focused on learning the donors' identity – and whatever it might reveal about their own. My ideal situation was to find a private donor (identity known to me) that I knew something about. Heaven for bid something should happen to my donor, I will be able to provide my child with information about the man that helped make me a mommy.

My donor...
Born in 1968, a third generation Kern County native grew up just south of Bakersfield. After graduating from high school, he discovered his talent for drawing and went on to San Diego State University to earn a BA in Arts and Applied Design. In 1995 he enrolled in the School of Design at north Carolina State University in Raleigh where he later received a Masters in landscape Architecture. While at NCSU, he began taking painting classes and found that he was drawn to San Joaquin Valley landscapes as his subject. His studies took him up and down the East Coast, Alaska, Europe, and South America. After graduation, he began a landscape design business. Along with design, he was commissioned to do local landscapes and murals. He is currently the Director of Education and Special Events at an art museum and continues to be in demand for residential landscape design and painting commissions. (Educational/professional bio not written by me.)

Adoption

I attended a Choice Moms symposium in July, 2009. At this networking event I had a chance to meet and greet a variety of people who were, in one way or another, involved in helping women become mothers. It wasn't until after hearing a woman speak so highly of open adoption that I ever considered it, but after listening to her story it seemed like the best of both worlds... I would become a mother and not have to worry about answering the inevitable "Who's My Daddy" question. With open adoption, I would probably, not always, know who the bio-dad was.

After the event I further explored, both emotionally and practically, the idea of adopting a baby. I knew a woman who had adopted a baby (nearly 18 years ago) so I contacted her in hopes of her sharing her experience with me. She was happy to meet with me and share such a personal part of her life, and answer questions I had. Taking time to process and reflect, I decided that adoption was not something I was going to pursue. My desire to experience pregnancy was the the most important factor in my decision.

www.choicemoms.org

Mother's Day Gift

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I had been expecting a call from the man I had asked to be my known donor. I had been rehearsing, revising, and re-rehearsing my responses to his decision all day. Having been denied before, I had my response pretty well memorized if they said no. I couldn't quite perfect, at least in my head, a response to him should he say yes. I mean, how do you thank someone for giving you the gift of life? A trip to Paris, a kidney... I don't know.

I received the call at 7:08 p.m. He said he would have called earlier but had to hunt down my number since he lost his phone. By this time I had already had wine, of course trying to act calm, cool and collected when he called! He said he had given it thought and decided he would be happy to help me!!! He didn't go without mentioning that his life-partner had some reservations, mainly concerning how this decision may impact his future, but overall I had his partners blessing. In fact, it was his partner that said, "This will be your last Mother's Day without a kid."

I have been given a gift of life, and for this, I am in debt to my known sperm donor.